I’ve always been aware — and I’m sure most people out there will agree with me — that the worst drivers in the galaxy are from Massachusetts. They’ve got lead feet, both on the gas and on the brake; they gab on the phone while driving; and they’re likely to wander out of their lane or swerve at any time, for no godly reason.
Proof? I don’t need no stinkin’ proof. That is, I haven’t got any. But why let mere facts get in the way when you already know something’s true, huh?
However, there’s an online car insurance shopping service called Everquote that claims Connecticut drivers are the worst, followed closely by Rhode Island. So at least we can be proud that drivers in the Northeast in general, and New England in particular, are widely acknowledged to be superlative in some way.
Based on such behaviors as speeding, aggressive acceleration, using a phone while driving, and sudden braking or turning, the Land of Steady Habits came in worst, followed closely by the Ocean State. But something must be wrong with their computer, because Massachusetts didn’t even make the bottom five, nor did New York (which everyone knows should have been No. 2) or New Jersey (No. 3).
The states with, allegedly, the best drivers — the goody-goody five — were Montana, Wyoming, South Dakota, Alaska and Idaho. But so what? There’s nobody in those wilderness areas to crash into or cut in front of! This isn’t fair!
So I had to do my own research by finding some comments on Reddit and taking out the naughty words:
♦ “Just moved here. People do indeed drive like lunatics here.”
♦ “Welcome to Connecticut. Enjoy your stay, (blank)!”
♦ “Drove through your state and was almost hit and ran off the road multiple times.”
♦ “People are horrible drivers everywhere, it’s just a different horrible depending where you are. … CT is the fastest overall, but has a “left lane vigilante” segment that will force you to drive around them b/c they thrive on the hate and pray for accidents …”
♦ “Yes. Between us, New York, and Mass there’s some utter (blank) drivers.”
♦ “Driving is Darwinian in this state.”
♦ “My favorite is the people who go 15 miles an hour on the on-ramps.”
♦ “There’s a YouTube channel called bad drivers of CT … although pretty much all the content comes from New Haven or Hamden.”
(OK, it’s not looking so good for Connecticut. But then I found this comment:)
♦ “If you’re not passing anyone, stay the (blank) out of the left lane. I swear the reason I-95 through CT has so much traffic all the time is because of a wall of MA drivers syncing up the three lanes at the same speed.”
So, as we can see, Massachusetts drivers really are the worst after all. By the way, where is that company based, the one that did the study that supposedly found that Connecticut drivers are the worst? Why, it’s in Cambridge, Mass., of course.
Reach Glenn Richter at firstname.lastname@example.org.