I guess I didn’t realize it until I saw the news about that grip-and-grin performance in Singapore last week, but it seems I had my own summit meeting one time. Sort of.
It was a long time ago, but I remember it well: I was walking down a dark street in Manhattan’s Alphabet City one night when this guy pulled out a knife and said, “Give me your money!” So I did.
I mean, isn’t that how a summit is supposed to work? One side gets something it wants, and the other side gets nothing at all? I’m just following President Trump’s logic when he told Chairman Kim of North Korea that we’d be happy to stop holding those military exercises (Mr. Trump called them “war games” and “provocative”) with South Korea. You know, the ones we’ve been holding every year for decades, mainly to convince the North not to invade the South — again — as they did in 1950, starting a war that’s still officially on.
Anyway, Singapore was a win-lose — even though you might think that we, as the world’s only superpower, might have come home with something a bit better. But I guess that’s The Art of the Deal. And who am I to question Mr. Trump? Nobody, that’s who.
But speaking of Mr. Trump, how’d you like the way he slapped Prime Minister Trudeau around after leaving the G7 powwow in that annoying country up north?
That would be Canada, our ally; the country with which we peaceably share the longest border in the world, stretching 5,525 miles from sea to shining sea; a country with which we have a trade surplus.
First Mr. Trump called him “weak” and “dishonest,” and then one of his flunkies said Mr. Trudeau “stabbed us in the back” (although it wasn’t clear to me how such a weak guy could do that), and then another of Mr. Trump’s minions consigned Mr. Trudeau to “a special place in hell” for daring to cross the boss. (He later apologized for that.)
But why apologize to the Canadians, eh? Didn’t they burn down the White House during the War of 1812? (Of course not, but I’m sad to report that I have no reason to believe the president of the United States was just joking, as opposed to just ignorant of our history.)
And don’t Canadians put gravy on French fries, as if that were perfectly OK? (Yes.) And don’t they send huge masses of arctic air our way every winter, as seen on TV weather maps? (Yes.)
By contrast to Mr. Trudeau, Mr. Trump found Mr. Kim to be a “strong guy” with “a very good personality,” “funny” and “very, very smart,” “a great negotiator” and “a very strategic kind of a guy.”
Best of all, declared Mr. Trump, “he loves his people.” Those would be the people upon whom, according to the United Nations Human Rights Council, the Kim regime has inflicted abuses including “extermination, murder, enslavement, torture, imprisonment, rape, forced abortions and other sexual violence, persecution on political, religious, racial and gender grounds, the enforced disappearance of persons and the inhumane act of knowingly causing prolonged starvation.”
What a pal. The hell with Canada.
Reach Glenn Richter at firstname.lastname@example.org.