At this difficult time — with millions of people out of work and the economy on life support while a viral pandemic ravages the land — at least we have a president with the medical expertise to diagnose the problems — mental, intellectual, moral or otherwise — of his favorite enemies.
He’ll have none of that “we’re all in this together” or “Kumbaya” crap. Mr. Trump tells it like it is.
So it was good of him to inform us last week that “Pelosi” (meaning Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, who, after all, is only two Covid-19-endangered heartbeats away from the Oval Office) “is a sick woman. She's got a lot of problems, a lot of mental problems.”
Duly noted. That was his response to her having called him “obese” when she said she was troubled by his decision to prescribe a questionable medication, hydroxychloroquine, for himself. Granted, that wasn’t very nice of her. But neither was it nice when Mr. Trump called a New York congressman “Fat Jerry” Nadler.
“The frontline workers, many, many are taking it,” he told reporters, the only surprise here being that he apparently knows many, many frontline workers. And never mind that his repeated endorsement of this drug, which lots of people take for lupus or arthritis, has put it in short supply for those patients who actually need it. The Pharmacist-in-Chief has spoken.
And this isn’t the first time his clinical acumen has come in handy. Dr. Trump is particularly adept at diagnosing mental, intellectual and/or moral pathologies, having previously warned us about “crazy” and “crooked” Hillary Clinton; “crazy” and “sleepy” Joe Biden; “crazy” and “nervous” and “high crime” Pelosi; “crazy” Arnold Schwarzenegger, Maxine Waters, Mika Brzezinski and Megyn Kelly; “wacky and deranged” Omarosa Manigault Newman (his former aide); “brain dead” Bernie Sanders (“The Nutty Professor”); and “psycho” Joe Scarborough.
Not to mention “low energy” Jeb Bush; “grossly incompetent” Barack Obama; “Lyin’ Ted” Cruz; “Shifty Adam” Schiff; “crooked” Maggie Haberman (of The New York Times); and “Al Frankenstein.” He also let us know that the governor of Michigan is Gretchen “Half” Whitmer, that Sen. Elizabeth Warren is “Pocahontas” and that Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is “Evita.”
Phew! While I’m grateful for all these diagnoses and warnings, I fear that Mr. Trump may have missed some of the cautions about hydroxychloroquine, such as the fact that it’s only supposed to be administered in a hospital setting, or the fact that it has not been shown to improve the condition of coronavirus patients but, in at least one study, was tied to a greater number of deaths.
Oh well, the urge to practice medicine without a license can be hard to resist, so I’ll now wield my credentials as an M.G. (Medical Googologist) and point out to Professor Trump some of the possible side effects of his pet Covid-19 preventive, from one of the popular websites about matters pharmacological:
“Blistering, peeling skin; blurred vision; dizziness or fainting; feeling that others are watching you or controlling your behavior; feeling that others can hear your thoughts; feeling, seeing, or hearing things that are not there; severe mood or mental changes; sticking out of the tongue; unusual behavior; unusual facial expressions.”
Granted, these are not common side effects. And, as the president likes to say, “What do you have to lose?”
Reach Glenn Richter at email@example.com.